Saturday, August 29, 2009

7 For Whatever It's Worth (Cont'd) - Part VII

Thank you to anyone who has actually read all of this.  Hopefully there has been some information to help others avoid similar pitfalls.  Wish it could have been better written and full of a great deal more.

Today I am now being understandably pressured to leave my dwelling as well.  There is nowhere to go, and no way to get anywhere.  It hurts when I eat.  It hurts to walk.  It hurts to sit.  It hurts to stand.  Even breathing is uncomfortable.  And there is no one left to turn to, hasn't been for a very long time.  I have fought hard for 9 years to get my life back and failed.  My pains are only getting worse.  The palpitations today are accompanied by more chest pains.  There is no desire to keep this up - it is not living, it is not surviving anymore; it is only suffering.

If you listen to "health care providers", as  my doctor's keep telling me, I'm "young and nothing appears to be broken in the x-rays, so there must not be any "real" problems".   Ok, sure.  Whatever.

I just wish they would have listened to me at some point over the last 9 years.  So much needless suffering could have been prevented, and a life could have been made whole.  And this all started from just tendon problems not being addressed properly; Now THAT is sad.

If there is any interest by persons experienced with interviewing, recording and using that information to improve society in general, send an inquiry to the contact listed in the profile.  That might be the best format to help me better organize ALL of the information and make it available while possible in the hopes others can avoid my pitfalls. 

If there is any interest, it is really strongly suggested you send your inquiry ASAP.

Life before this wasn't too bad.  I fought and survived much.  It wasn't perfect, but it was something to be proud of.  Once upon a time, I had a real life and actually mattered.

Anyway, thank you Jessica for following the posts.  Hopefully you've found something that could benefit yourself or someone you know. 
I've no idea what tomorrow will bring anymore, so Please take care.

Friday, August 28, 2009

6 For Whatever It's Worth (Cont'd) - Part VI

There's not a whole lot today to offer today.  If you would like a couple of pointers to avoid ending up like me, see yesterday's post.

There are some who say I just like feeling sorry for myself.  To that, I will respond with the following that NOBODY should have to endure this kind of junk.  I am not going to start with "you try this", but instead will advise to do everything you can to avoid this.

- 9 years of pain. 
- Inability to even walk properly.
- Completely alone, no support whatsoever - no kidding, no exaggeration.
- Undiagnosed mass that causes some pain, and Undiagnosed cysts.
- More painful issues developing all the time.
- Not a single good night's sleep for Years.
- Doctor's that won't listen, just making this worse.
- Increasingly worse palpitations (now seem to be coming from a possibly 2nd defective valve too) .
- People that don't care.*
- "Leaders" that don't care.**
- Every attempt to improve pain and quality of life, fails.
- Every attempt to find gainful employment within new limitations, fails (including attempts at self-employment fail).
- Being robbed with no recourse.
- Being hurt with no recourse.
- Incredibly unbearable increases of "internal pain".
- Loss of ability to do anything enjoyable, even a walk in the park.
- Loss of companionship, including pets.
- Loss of happiness, even contentment.
- Loss of transportation, housing, food (happening now).
- Loss of dignity.
- Loss of usefulness.
- Loss of identity.
- Loss of will.
(I know a number of things are missing; they will be edited in later as they come to mind)

*A short comment about the support, I'll just say relatives were really not good people, and when you stop going out to save every penny you can, "friends" will leave, particularly when things are so negative for so long.

**A short comment about "Leaders that don't care"; I had even tried going as high as a Senator's office to find out if there was anything else that might be available to assist my efforts, and because of moving in past years was told "maybe you should go back to where you came from".  I'm not kidding.

I'm going to add a quote from a previous post:

"I really, really miss my old life.  It wasn't bad.  I had a good job, running an office at a major company.  The apartment wasn't bad either, overlooking a golf course, even had a fireplace.  Never worried about paying bills, that was always done on time if not early.  Never worried about being able to maintain the car, was in fact even saving for a brand new one.  Decent bed to sleep in.  Real food to eat.  Cared for my pets.  Even went out from time to time.  A real life, and still I could manage to put a couple of dollars in the bank too.

But I didn't have a medical degree... And I thought doctors were supposed to heal people, not make them worse."

There is also one event from today to add, simply because this wouldn't be happening if the doctor's had healed me as they were supposed to, and I'd be working and self-sufficient if they had - and happy, or at least content.  On top of everything else, on my way back today, the steering on the car went.  Of course, the brakes are already gone; I've been using the hand brake for stopping.  The engine is giving out too, in addition to other things.  It's not like I can even afford gas anymore anyway, but it seems pretty irrelevant now, I think I'm just done anymore.

It hasn't been mentioned yet, but I haven't even touched on the things endured and survived before all this junk started 9 years ago.  The thought was there to write a book someday with the hopes of inspiring others not to give up.  The only thing that held me back was I hadn't quite reached the "happy ending", that level of fullness worth aspiring to.  Things were pretty good, but I wanted to improve on somethings first.

But as has been happening more and more often lately, it really hit me hard today when the steering went, and when the pain issues became overwhelming again (or rather again/still) the simple reality of things - there's not going to be a happy ending.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

5 For Whatever It's Worth - Cont'd - Part V

Note: It occurs to me to start each related post by saying that before all this started, I was reasonably active and clearly never knew the meaning of the words "can't" or "don't".   I really, really, really miss my old life. 

Avoid some of my problems - A Few Free Tips

I'm posting information on some things found to be true about self-care, though for me much of it was too little, too late; the lessons were learned after the damage was done.  If you take only one thing from this, Don't let the needlessly bad stuff happen to you.

I'll probably edit this later to add more stuff.

If you have some mild sensitivity, it might be possible to avoid getting drilled by changing your brushing habits, and I don't mean buy special toothpaste.  If toothpaste is left on the teeth for too long, it can actually cause some sensitivity, so try taking less time to brush.  I have found it effective when sensitivity starts to limit brushing time to 45 seconds to 1 minute only, though being quick and very thorough.  Rinse Very Well.  In about 3 days, the sensitivity is gone. 

Wish I knew that years ago before so many possibly unnecessary drilling, root canals, and pulls.  I remember one dentist wasn't sure where my sensitivity was coming from, so he did a root canal on one tooth, I still had the problem, then did the one next to it, then says "ah, smell that?  There was the problem!"  C'mon, you were supposed to know the problem BEFORE you started and SAVE my teeth, jerk.

A lot of Dentists will jump on the opportunity to make as much as they can off something that might be nothing, even if it means drilling to the point that you lose a tooth.  I do remember being told a few times at first they can't find the problem, but then it's "oh, I think I see something".  Don't let this happen.  Try this avoidance technique first.

Forget about all those special fad diets.  You only need to remember one simple thing: If you can't hunt it or grow it, don't eat it.  That doesn't mean you can eat everything that grows, like poison ivy, but you get the idea.  People developed over millions of years this way.  We became supposedly "intelligent" this way.  All that processing of today's foods just strips out the nutrients and sometimes they add back artificial "vitamins" that our bodies can't absorb as well, and they add in all sorts of preservatives and chemicals that are supposedly "safe", but seriously, we didn't evolve on chemicals. 

This means trying to eliminate everything not natural, even pasta.  Bleaching agents, oxidizing agents, colorings, preservatives and other chemicals are used in today's processing of almost all flours which means it is in bread, pasta, pizza, wheat cereals, whole grain crackers etc.  Know this is what you are consuming, and it's not good for you.  If you really and truly can't live without bread, try milling your own flour (you can do this, search "table top grain mill") and use fresh grains (preferably organic).

I was eating only natural foods with no breads/pasta/etc. for a while back when I could and never felt better, nor did it feel necessary to eat as often.  Just remember to balance vegs with meats and fish, etc.  Balance is important.  It won't be beneficial if all you eat is fruit. 

This one is another reason I really really wish to be fully functioning and working again - to eat better, healthier and feel better.  Sigh.

Note: as horrible as doctor's are and tend to not care about their patients, well the one's I've had anyway, they can be useful sometimes.  If you are going to change your diet, let them do a full exam and blood tests.  You can get a copy of the results and look online to confirm what they tell you is normal.  After 4 weeks (it takes 3-4 weeks for you metabolism, etc. to fully change to the new food lifestyle), but go back and get another set of blood tests.  The results are sometimes pretty interesting.  Back when I did it, I just told my doctor I was changing meal plans and wanted to be sure no damage was being done.  A month later, the blood test results were much better.

Keep in mind one more thing: a CBC (complete blood count) is not really complete.  It is only a guide and does not cover everything, like B-12 (this is a "special" test).  And hey, guess what?  All these years no one ever checked, and I've just found out I do have a significant B-12 deficiency - oh, and the docs aren't following up even because it was found by someone else.  Yep, doctor's really listen and care, don't they?

Again, I'm only finding most of this out recently - "too little, too late" for me.

Everyone talks about core muscles, aerobics, etc.  If you want to avoid back problems and some knee and feet issues, you have to stretch a lot and tend to the muscles we don't usually pay attention to.  Everyone keeps talking about working abs, working abs, working abs, but we do have muscles in the back, and in the back of the legs, and we don't typically work these muscles as much from day to day.  Therefore, they get weak, and we get problems.

If you already have aches, try to get in to see a GOOD physical therapist to show you the right ways to do these.

There is more to say on this too, but hopefully this is enough to get you to avoid some of my problems.

Oh, here's one more for today:
I've only recently found this out, after the 3rd surgery (that could have been prevented!).  No surgery is 100% going to work.  There are more things to consider than just the known hazards, such as anesthesia, etc.  No matter where they cut or what type of surgery they are doing, there will be scar tissue - and I don't just mean those neat little scars guys like to show off on their skin.  I mean inside your body, in the tissue, underneath the skin.  The doctor's DON'T tell you this part.

With the formation of internal scar tissue, it could cause complications, new pain, or simply the old pain will not go away.  My doctor's told me that 100% I would be better after the surgeries,  never told me of this risk - they simply lied!

Ok, now I'm done for today.  It's just hard to stay focused anymore when there's no way left to pay rent or be genuinely useful anymore (yes, I've sought work-from-home, but everything I've found was a costly scam - beware of those too, as an additional note).


If you ever really read the info on your medicine, you will see this a lot: "The exact mechanism of action for [medication] is unknown.  Current research appears to indicate that {drug} may [help your symptoms]......."

Also, think about this: the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety (just saw the commercials so this comes to mind first), and other medications actually have a high probability of CAUSING the issue they are supposed to heal, likely because they don't know HOW it works.

THIS is what doctor's are prescribing, pills which no one knows HOW they work, and cause exactly what they are supposed to fix.  Seriously.  And this is only two of the known problems with today's medications that they don't usually tell us.  No wonder they've given me so many more problems.  Making things worse, they don't seem to listen when told things are getting worse, just keep adding more, which is really bad when pain meds are involved.  Why couldn't they just fix the problems instead of masking them?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

4 For Whatever It's Worth - Cont'd - Part IV

Note: It occurs to me to start each related post by saying that before all this started, I was reasonably active and clearly never knew the meaning of the words "can't" or "don't". 

I Miss My Old Life - A LOT

I really really miss my old life.  It wasn't bad.  After years of hard work, I had another good job, running an office at a major company.  The apartment wasn't bad either, overlooking a golf course, even had a fireplace.  Never worried about paying bills, that was always done on time if not early.  Never worried about being able to maintain the car, was in fact even saving for a brand new one.  Decent bed to sleep in.  Real food to eat.  Cared for my pets.  Even went out from time to time.  A real life, and still I could manage to put a couple of dollars in the bank too.

But I didn't have a medical degree.  No training to know any better when the doctors gave bad advice.  No warnings about the true side effects of over-medicating, even seemingly harmless antibiotics or ibuprofen.  No true warnings about the side effects of the damaging sedative.  No knowledge how harmful the combination's of medicines and bed-rest I was being given actually were.  No idea I should have been doing the opposite of what the doctors told me to do.

I thought doctor's were supposed to heal people, not make them worse.  But nobody is watching them too closely.  Unqualified docs are treating people they shouldn't, or they just don't care about making anybody better - just making money.

Without medical training, I trusted the doctor's to make me better, so I listened to them.  The medicine's were supposed to help me.  They made me worse.  The constant bed rest was supposed to help me, but they kept telling me No activity at all whatsoever.  It made things worse too.  Then they stopped listening because someone my age shouldn't have so many problems, so the pain must all be in my head.  Several doctors actually said that to me, in spite of the fact that a recent MRI verified it was not - and I still can't get the right doc to help me.

It's really hopeless. Only in my 30's and so much pain every single day for 9 years now.  I've met people in their 90's in better health than me, and yes, they have said they usually avoid the doctors, laughingly say they don't listen to the docs half the time, they eat right and get some activity.  I used to do that, and now all this mess started with just one injury and believing the docs were there to help and to heal.  What an idiot I must be for believing that.

Take care of yourselves.  It only takes one time, one injury not to be cared for properly to start the nightmare and ruin you for life.  Please, don't end up a waste of space anymore like me.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

3 For Whatever It's Worth - Cont'd - Part III

Note: It occurs to me to start each related post by saying that before all this started, I was reasonably active and clearly never knew the meaning of the words "can't" or "don't". 
Harmless Medications - My A$$

I've only recently found out that Ibuprofen, for one, is not as safe as it would seem. From what I have read, apparently it restricts blood flow which actually reduces the body's ability to heal itself.

My doctor's have had me on high doses of Ibuprofen for years, 600-800mg several times per day. Many of the other side effects I have read about have been experienced, but the doctors only dismissed it as something else, implying I was seeking narcotics that's why I was blaming the medicine. Ironically, all I wanted was for them to diagnose and heal so I could stop taking medicines for good, that was ALL I EVER WANTED.

Aside from the fact my body has never healed, it became more prone to new injuries. When taking the medicine on a regular basis, one thing I noticed was that the skin would bruise very easily too. Someone could just grab my arm and I would have fingermarks the next day. It was crazy. And that was in addition to the other symptoms that were dismissed, such as cuts not healing properly, dizziness, etc. A single cut would take approximately 5 times as long to heal while on high doses of ibuprofen, plus it would leave discoloration for approximately another six to eight months. If I had the same cut while NOT on the medicine, it would be completely gone, no skin discoloration or anything, within just a couple of weeks. And the doctor's still don't listen to me when I try to tell them.

Other things I have recently discovered that seemed noteworthy include the fact that several antibiotics are known to induce tendonitis, which was the primary initial diagnosis. For years, doctors had been over prescribing antibiotics to me that I only now know to be harmful and damaging to the body. Additionally, I had even asked a couple of doctors to do the tests in order to determine whether the symptoms occurring were from allergies or infection or virus; they would not even do a simple blood test, only prescribed antibiotics, and then more when those didn't work. One doctor even remarked he wouldn't do them because doing the tests was the "lazy way" to practice medicine. What does that even mean?

Who even knows if those initial tendon issues progressed to develop tears due to inadequate care and overprescribing harmful medications, such as ibuprofen, etc.? I can't even remember all the pills I was prescribed. But dang it, no one ever listened and did any proper testing - they NEVER did, no matter how much I begged for true healing so I could stop taking meds.

I never had a chance, and I'm so incredibly tired of trying and losing. I still haven't even scratched the surface yet of ALL the issues and events. Sigh... after 9 years, I get it now - there's no hope for me..

Sunday, August 23, 2009

2 For Whatever It's Worth - Cont'd - Part II

Note: It occurs to me to start each related post by saying that before all this started, I was reasonably active and clearly never knew the meaning of the words "can't" or "don't". 

The Healthcare System is Destructive

I really hate this. There is never a good night's sleep anymore. Often I'll have side effects from the sedative before getting to sleep hours later, plus the nightmares every night anymore, and waking up in so much pain every single day. Nothing changes.

It doesn't matter how many times I ask the doctor's for help, nothing changes, not for the better. Before all this started, I was proud at never having had a single surgery, and now have had three and will likely need more. Ironically, it's not the surgery or the fear of death that worries me, in fact that would be welcome at this point. The horror lies that it is likely they will just make things worse with their ineptness. After all, it’s been 9 years and they haven’t fixed a thing, only made me much worse.

Every day it's the same anymore; Waking up to a lot of pain – physical, psychological, emotional. Often times I am just doubled over from physical aches induced by the stresses of never sleeping, trying repeatedly to improve and always failing, not being able to even pay rent or provide basic necessities anymore. Since this all started at so many years before retirement age, benefits are not enough to survive. It’s too much.

The healthcare system is killing me.

Friday, August 21, 2009

1 For Whatever It's Worth

Note: It occurs to me to start each related post by saying that before all this started, I was reasonably active and clearly never knew the meaning of the words "can't" or "don't".

I thought I would write a few things while I’m still here.

This post applies mostly to issues with doctors and partially to Lawyers, though I may digress a little today.

Every day I feel worse and worse, the only tragedy being that no one seems to care. The doctors don’t listen, they’re not healers anymore. Lawyers don’t seem to care, they just want a clean and easy sweep in real life. Politicians just want the sick, frail and poor to die so they won’t have to deal anymore or even look at any of them – and they need more space for their yachts.

If you have doubts about my claims, and this entry is only just a scratch on the surface, just google the words Medical Corruption and see how many hits you get. Read some. It will be interesting. When I did the search, there were almost 3 times as many hits compared to the words Legal Corruption, so why isn’t anything being done?

Anyway, for almost 9 years I’ve been trying to get proper healthcare for what started as a simple injury. Over that time, uncaring doctors have managed to ensure an early demise for me, or a useless life confined to bed and insanity. I’m only in my 30’s, and will likely have a heart attack in the next few weeks now, but hopefully a more peaceful end will be found before that.

The doctors don’t care anymore. They would rather see a patient confined and useless because that is how they maintain their clients. If they heal their clients, they won’t make money anymore. Plus, most health professionals have investments in the pharmaceutical companies, so they will continue to prescribe as much as they can get away with. These are facts.

Obviously some things in this post will have to change to conceal identity, but the main facts remain true.

Almost 9 years ago, I had a injury to my tendons that kept me from walking for a time. The doctors kept prescribing medications and bed rest. Extremely poor doctoring kept me in bed and on medications to mask the symptoms instead of trying to heal me. I got worse, put on excessive weight very quickly, developed more issues, and old problems I had under control started getting worse again too. Every time I asked for help, they just kept telling me I was being to active, stay in bed – even though that was all I was doing and it was not healing.

Soon, I started trying to get help for the back pains. Doctors just took x-rays, told me they didn’t see anything and I was young, so the pain must be all in my head. Recently, I finally got an an MRI – 5 herniated discs with tears spread throughout, and the complete back was not looked at so there may be more. This has been untreated for many years because doctors kept telling me it was all in my head. Sure many people have this, but most get diagnosed and treated quickly enough.

I tried neurologists for chronic severe headaches. One of them, after I said I didn’t know my family history, told me to go make amends with them and my headaches will go away – he knew nothing else, I only told him I didn’t know the family medical history. He didn’t know if they were alive or dead or if I was adopted or if they were murderers or anything. The second neurologist told me on a follow-up visit, “I will keep filling your meds, but you have to come back more often for these follow ups because we need to make our money too”. What the heck was that, they weren’t even narcotics or anything people might usually sell? No wonder there are so many people addicted to prescription drugs.

I had found a mass. Preliminary tests indicate it might not be anything, but I’m supposed to get a biopsy. I’ve also had a couple of cists show up in the past couple of years, but they are ignoring those. So why should I get a biopsy if they’re not going to listen anyway? The docs I can afford are just triage docs. They can’t help me anyway, and I don’t know how to find really good doctors. My medical coverage is supposed to be good, but only if you have money to afford the co-pays, which I can’t. So why bother? This was about 2 years ago, and I still haven’t found the right doc to do the biopsies.

I had knee surgery a while ago. I begged the doctor twice before the surgery for a good support for my other knee because it was hurting and I knew the extra stress was making it worse. Well, he didn’t think it was bad enough, and decided to wait until after the surgery to address it. So, only two months later, it sounded like wrinkled paper every time I sit, and it hurts, and now it might need surgery too because they wouldn’t listen to me and try to help prevent this. They don’t Ever Listen!! And I just keep suffering!!

Here’s the funny part about this surgery. I wasn’t afraid they would mess up and I would die, in fact was kind of hoping for an anesthesia overdose by this time. What really scared me was that they might mess up and leave me with even more pain, as if I weren’t suffering enough. Oh, and it was done in an outpatient surgery facility, so when I woke up in the “procedure room”/o.r. in so much pain I started screaming, they told me I had to shut up and be quiet so I wouldn’t scare the other patients, and that if I stay quiet they would not be able to get me to the recovery room to give me medicine for the pain. Great bedside manner, thank you.

So the knee hasn’t healed right. Still unable to work and with extremely poor benefits, I can’t even afford the gas to get to physical therapy as much as I should, and the car is falling apart so the stress of wondering whether I’ll be stranded on the road is a driving preventer too. The lack of proper nutrition isn’t helping either.

Here’s a LAWYER part: A big part of the bad diet is from a few months ago, I found a foreign item in a water ice, it looked like a piece of a person sliced off by the machine, like raw chicken with a blood red vein in it. I have no idea what I ate, have nightmares every day, am severely traumatized by the idea that I am now a cannibal, and can NOT eat a lot of what my body needs to heal. Seriously, try to picture in real life taking a bite from your fries only to find out you’ve had a piece of finger? And that is not an exaggeration of what it was like. But a couple of the lawyers I’ve tried calling laughed thinking it was a joke, and most just say I should try someone else. This also might be why I hurt my knee, the severe lack of sleep made me so tired, I can’t really remember how I tore my knee. But apparently, it doesn’t matter, and it’s ok to be force fed human body parts, and all the extra PTSD that adds, and there’s nothing I can do about it, even having the leftovers still in the freezer for evidence – no one cares, and no one will even look. So I guess it’s ok for corporate to keep hurting people.

Here’s another LAWYER part, and Doctors: I’ve only recently found out that some of the meds I’ve been prescribed have been harmful. One of the most destructive prescriptions has been the Ambien. I’ve been on that medication for more than 9 years with no information about the real side effects, and I’ve experienced many of the worst. When trying to address some of the symptoms in the past with the doctors, not knowing they were related to the medication, they were just dismissed as “normal” behavior, forgetfulness, depression, etc. Words can’t describe life before this medication and after. Additionally, the overuse of certain antibiotics may have contributed to the initial tendon issues. Again, I’ve tried contacting several lawyers who won’t pursue this either.

All of the combined has contributed to rapidly deteriorating health, physical, mental and emotional. I can’t meet my financial needs anymore. It may be difficult to understand, but before all of this, I was a fighter, a strong person who could meet any challenge put forth and conquered so much just to survive.
But I can’t do it anymore. My heart is physically aching everyday now, sharp pains. The palpitations get worse each week. The pains overall from various issues keep me from doing so much, and having screamed for help for almost 9 years with no results has left me too tired to fight anymore; after so many years of only having the words “don’t” and “can’t” with nothing positive to offset that at all, What is the point anymore?

I have even budgeted so tightly I honestly never go out socially at all and I’m not kidding, that’s why I have no friends left anymore. I’ve had to move 6 times in one year because of bad housing issues. I went from rodents, to bugs, to bugs and dogs.

Another LAWYER issue: Recently, at a legal apartment, I was going to be leaving because of alcoholic neighbors, but had not set a date yet. The landlord changed the locks and kept the stuff I still had in there including a new bed. Legal Aide told me to call the police. I called 911 and they said sorry, it’s your word against his and his broker will support his story so there’s nothing you can do, he’ll just say you were gone, go call a lawyer. They didn’t even give me a police report. So it’s illegal for him to do that, but I can’t prove it, so he can get away with it and I never got my stuff back.

You know, there is one other thing I want to mention today. Recently, being so depressed from the drugs and insomnia and pain and being ignored by the doctors, etc., I had called a county “hotline” because I was so distressed. You hear jokes about these places putting you on hold, but what really happened was close to it. Granted there were so many more issues causing me grief than what is mentioned, but in spite of the fact I was crying so much and hurting so badly, they said “Well, I can give you a number to call for the abuse you THINK you suffered”. So many similar responses have come my way, what’s the point in trying anymore.

If the doctors had listened to me 8 years ago, and had treated me properly and worked to heal me instead of masking the symptoms, had not over medicated and prescribed drugs that would add so much more misery, but so much pain could have been avoided. I could be working. I could be useful. I wouldn’t be so incredibly depressed. Before all this started, I never needed a hospital, let alone any kind of surgery, and now I’ve had three procedures and will need more. These surgeries could have been prevented. People wouldn’t be taking advantage and hurting me so much. So much of this could have been avoided. And it makes things worse that they won’t listen and just simply keep diagnosing a chemical imbalance for depression in spite of the fact that all they have to do is fix my pains and get me off the Ambien and other useless meds so I can get my life back, because I was NOT like this before. It hurts so, so very much to even think about it anymore.

Thank you Doctors for making me useless and suffering, for cutting me open and taking parts from me that never should have needed to come out, and for getting wealthy on destroying me. Thank you Lawyers for not listening and defending when needed. Thank you to the manufacturers of Ambien and all those other drugs for being over prescribed and destroying my body, and to the lawmakers who allow this to happen and allow doctors to make money from this. Thank you politicians for allowing these disastrous actions to happen free of lawsuits. I no longer have life, nor what can be called survival, but am reduced to just suffering, but hopefully not for too much longer.