Sunday, August 23, 2009

2 For Whatever It's Worth - Cont'd - Part II

Note: It occurs to me to start each related post by saying that before all this started, I was reasonably active and clearly never knew the meaning of the words "can't" or "don't". 

The Healthcare System is Destructive

I really hate this. There is never a good night's sleep anymore. Often I'll have side effects from the sedative before getting to sleep hours later, plus the nightmares every night anymore, and waking up in so much pain every single day. Nothing changes.

It doesn't matter how many times I ask the doctor's for help, nothing changes, not for the better. Before all this started, I was proud at never having had a single surgery, and now have had three and will likely need more. Ironically, it's not the surgery or the fear of death that worries me, in fact that would be welcome at this point. The horror lies that it is likely they will just make things worse with their ineptness. After all, it’s been 9 years and they haven’t fixed a thing, only made me much worse.

Every day it's the same anymore; Waking up to a lot of pain – physical, psychological, emotional. Often times I am just doubled over from physical aches induced by the stresses of never sleeping, trying repeatedly to improve and always failing, not being able to even pay rent or provide basic necessities anymore. Since this all started at so many years before retirement age, benefits are not enough to survive. It’s too much.

The healthcare system is killing me.

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